• Chalkbeat

Have you ever been "ghosted" before?

Copyright: Calandra Paramita

As I’m writing this, it dawned on me that ghosting isn’t something new. We’ve all been ghosted through our own experiences. It is said that over 50% of men and women in the world have experienced ghosting. But, what is ghosting you ask? Urban dictionary defines this as “The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just 'get the hint' and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested.”

Ghosting is considered a selfish act. It’s like the worst thing you can do to someone. How can you leave the “ghostee” lingering with thoughts of how you may feel, or what you might be thinking? Do people not deserve the right to know? No matter how serious the situation is, as adults, every relationship deserves the right to know, or have closure. Ever heard of living in your truth? You never know the effects you may have on others. It is ONLY right to end relationships/friendships with reasons why they didn’t work out for you. It can ultimately help the other party with some self-evaluation.

Can ghosting be avoided? ABSOLUTELY. Not the cliche way like “be truthful with me and i’ll be truthful with you”. More like the “let’s be mature and always be on the same page”. Guys are more known to ghost women. There was one instance where a girl ghosted a guy though and he absolutely deserved it. She decided to surprise her sweet boyfriend with breakfast one day using the key SHE HAD to his home. She walks in, it appears he’s asleep on the couch. She leaves the breakfast on the table but it ALSO appears that he is not sleeping on the couch alone. His ex-girlfriend was all snuggled up under him, like everything was peachy! How could he? After 4 years, snuggling up with an ex-girlfriend she was probably told not to worry about. She decided to pull a ghost move on him, and she left the breakfast there! She blocked his number, returned the key and relocated! Talk about the ultimate ghost move.

I’ll say the story above is the right way, and only way someone should be ghosted. He may have deserved to be “told off” or “fussed at”, but to avoid getting worked up, she did the right thing by just letting his actions end a long, drawn out situationship. Now, if you’re entertaining someone or even getting to know someone, and out of nowhere communication suddenly stops, that’s the wrong way. Ghosting shouldn’t be used in a prideful manner. Things like “Oh, I don’t owe anyone an explanation” or “I don’t even know them like that” proves that ghosting is just an alternate to be rude and disrespectful. Who's to say the “ghostee” doesn’t have feelings.

Want to avoid being ghosted? Tell the person that you’re open and honest and live in your truth. Throughout the “getting to know each other” phase, let them know you know what ghosting is and will not tolerate it. Engage in conversation more, and less physical. When two people know the expectations of each other, ghosting will be the last thing someone does.

#DMV #health